July 30, 2015

Stuff & Things 7/30

++ I really appreciate the support  I got from Monday's post.  The reality is, some people just fade from our lives.  And while it sucks, it's kind of necessary in my opinion.  When I think back on that particular friendship, I'm happy for the memories.  But as we've grown up, we've developed into very different people with much different priorities.  Part of me will always miss them.  Part of me will always have to squash away the desire to call, text, email them when something big happens.  And that's okay, too.  These are the type of of "life prep" they should teach a course on in college.  It would have been much more valuable than say...well...all those other things I've already forgotten and have in no way used in my real life.

++ If I'm being honest, I feel like I'm just surviving the days right now.  I'm out of my routines.  I'm off the productivity train.  And I feel like everything moves so slowly in the summertime, but in a flash the day is over and I've accomplished nothing.  I'm in the process of trying to adopt a new approach.  I guess we're still just adjusting to this whole new life thing.  It's a process, that's for sure.

++ My week is pretty wonky.  I'm off today (and actually spending the day in South Carolina with my bestie!) in exchange for an over night tomorrow night.  With eight kids.  If I survive, someone better be waiting at my apartment on Saturday evening with the biggest bottle of wine you've ever seen.  Deal?

++ I'm practically forcing myself to get back into reading.  I've so completely lost my groove with it.  And to be honest, any free second I have to myself I much prefer to just veg in front of a screen.  It's awful but true.  The goal is to read a book a week.  I probably should have started with a shorter book that The Pact by Jodi Picoult, but I'm going with it.

Okay friends, that about does it for today!  Your turn!

July 27, 2015

When The Silence Says It All

I've been quiet because my heart has been working through something.  I've struggled with the idea of bringing it up here because there's a line I like to keep drawn, but it is what it is.

I just forced myself to close a chapter that to be quite honest has been closed for some time, I just haven't allowed myself to accept it.  I've never been very good at letting go, especially of people, because I believe in second chances.  And third chances.  And so on.  But there comes a time when you're flat out of chances to give.  And your heart is so flattened from getting trampled on, from being let down so many times, that it's best to just walk away.

It's not an easy decision to make.  Friendships aren't just supposed to end.  Everyone expects some romantic relationships to fail.  But friendships are supposed to be built to last.

But the silence has told me everything I needed to know.

When I was a kid, I used to wonder why the universal symbol for "best friends" was a broken heart.  But I get it now.  You give that person a half of your heart because you're supposed to be able to trust them more than any other person.  But when that friendship falls apart, all you're left with is half a broken heart.

I've tried to ignore it, pretend it isn't going on.  It doesn't deserve the attention that my heart for some reason can't stop giving it.  And this is my last ditch effort to just feel it and move on.  Sharing my heart hasn't ever done me wrong.  And for all I know maybe I'm not alone in this.  Maybe there's someone else out there dealing with the same thing who needs to see that they aren't alone.

We're not supposed to lose our best friends.  We're not supposed to know what this kind of ache feels like.  But when it happens, there isn't a standard cure.  The fact is, I don't need them anymore.  I haven't needed them for years.  But that's the difference with friendships, really.  You don't need them.  You want them.

But I'm at the point where I don't even want it anymore.  A loyal person pushed to the point of apathy.  And it's a crying shame.

July 24, 2015

Surviving Summer

Summer isn't my favorite season for many reasons, but mostly because I simply just don't enjoy sweating my brains out on the regular.  I much prefer winter.  Keep in mind, I live in North Carolina so our winters are far less brutal.

Despite the fact that the calendar is about to flip over into August, summer still seems like it'll be never ending.  So I thought I'd share with you a few things that keep me sane in the summertime.

scala lahaina sun hat c/o lipton publicity

  1. A fun bright mani.  A good manicure with the perfect summer shade can work wonders on my mood.  Wet n' Wild Megalast in Tropicalia is one of my top 5 summer shades!  And bonus: it's super long wearing!
  2. Shade.  Whether I'm blocking the rays with my favorite sunnies or a fun hat, finding shade is absolutely necessary.  I swear I become like a vampire in the summertime.  
  3. Secret Clinical Strength Deodorant.  While this stuff doesn't keep me as dry as I'd like (I'm still experimenting with the different kinds within the brand) it does combat odor like a champion.
  4. Leave in Conditioner.  Specifically the Earthly Body Merrakesh X High Tide leave in.  It's crucial to replenish the moisture back into your strands after it's been exposed to the brutal summer sun.  This stuff works freaking wonders.
  5. Refreshing Body Wash.  I didn't know what I was missing until I accidentally got my hands on the St. Ives Revitalizing Pear and Soy body wash.  It says on the bottle that it "delights the senses."  I really only picked it up because I liked how it smelled.  But I've already repurchased it twice.  It's so refreshing!
Well, you know where to find me.  I'll just be over here in my corner counting down the days until we finally find some relief from this heat.

July 23, 2015

Stuff & Things: How Ice Cream Saved My Life

I had the hiccoughs.  Not the normal, simply annoying kind of hiccoughs.  No.  The painful-omg-these-are-never-going-to-stop kind.  I know you've had them at least once.  And they suck.

After nearly an hour of the hiccough-ouch beat filling the living room, my husband got fed up enough to scare me half to death.  Sure.  The hiccoughs were annoying for him.  Despite nearly making me pee myself, his attempt was futile.

After dealing with a brown out in the apartment (don't ask me what that is, I'm still not sure I know), these hiccoughs were the last thing I needed.  Have you ever tried to go to sleep with painful hiccoughs in an apartment that'd been without AC for over an hour?  Yeah.  It's impossible.  I watched the clock, and the old lady who lives inside of me cringed as it inched closer to 10 without any relief.

Wha-hiccough-tever.  I'm havi-hiccough ouch-ng an ic-hiccough ouch-e cream cone.  hiccough ouch. Ca-hiccough-n't hurt.

Hopefully, I filled the waffle cone with scoop after scoop of creamy chocolate, carefully balancing as the hiccoughs ripped through my body.

I almost lost hope when I inhaled my first lick directly into my lungs.  It hurt, sure.  But anything compared to the devil hiccoughs themselves paled.

And there I sat, looking up Sam Smith lyrics (newly obsessed after attending his concert on Saturday), enjoying lick after lick.

It wasn't until I reached the cone, taking my first bite, that I realized omg. They're gone.

And that, my friends, is how ice cream saved my life.

**In all seriousness, friends, your support from yesterday has me feeling all the feels.  Things are happening and I can't wait to share!**

Now, it's your turn.  

July 22, 2015

Because This Is Real Life

For the sake of being real, Friday was a really, really tough day.  I won't go into details, but this whole adulting thing was just too much, and before I could convince myself not to, I broke down.

J was out of town, I came home and sobbed all of my makeup off.  Sometimes a good cry just does the trick, but it wasn't working.  I couldn't collect myself.  Finally, I waved my white flag and sent out a message to the two girls who live on my floor.

Do either of you happen to be around?  I could use some girl time.

That's all I wrote.  They were unaware of what's been going on.  And it was Friday night.  They both wrote back immediately but before I could reply, they showed up at my door.  With wine.  They collected me into a hug and just let me sob without questions.

And though my insides were twisted up and my faith in God was wavering, I couldn't help but take that moment as a sign.  A reminder that He's on this.  He's in our corner.  Everything is happening according to His timing.

Being here is everything we hoped it would be, despite our troubles.  And I was reminded that night that while some prayers aren't answered quite yet, The Big Ones were answered.  As I crawled into bed that night, I had a flashback to a night in Buies Creek when I felt so unfulfilled.  So purposeless.  So Alone.  And I cried myself to sleep that night praying for a job and friends.  That's all I wanted.

It's easy to lose sight of our blessings when we're blinded by the big question marks.  I was so focused on what we don't have that I forgot about what all this is for.  

Sometimes I still can't believe we actually live here.  And when I think about all of the tiny little pieces that had to fall together just right to make this possible, it's hard not to believe.  And I needed that reminder.  Everything was such a mess for so many months; I'd forgotten what that felt like.  I lost sight of the fact that mostly everything is worked out.  I have so many answers that I didn't have just a few months ago.  

Over the weekend, things righted themselves.  J and I took one huge collective breath of relief and things were pretty bright and shiny here on Sunday when he got home.  And it was yet another reminder that while some things ebb and flow, it's the people that matter.  I am so thankful for the friends God planted here for us.  I'm so overwhelmingly thankful for the family He hand picked for me to work for.  And most importantly, I'm so thankful that my husband is also my best friend; someone I can always rely on without question.  And those, my friends, are the true blessings.